[Ph!GR] Skyrim

So a while ago I bought Skyrim, and I’ve been too busy slaying dragons and running away from deer that I forgot I was going to write a review.

So here goes.

First off, Skyrim takes place in Skyrim (really original) it’s also the fifth game in the Elder Scrolls series and the fifth game that starts off with the player as a prisoner. Then as you’re about to be execute a dragon shows up as a poorly set-up deus ex machina. It burns down the place and everything around you, but conveniently not you. Then you get to run around screaming and enjoying your time trying not to die. At the end of your little adventure you can follow this one guy with a sword and this one guy who really doesn’t like the other guy so they have a bunch of friends get together and try to kill each other. Also the first guy was trying to kill you, I naturally went with the guy who wasn’t trying to behead my pretty lizard dude I made 30 seconds before. I delved into the depths of some fort then got out of said fort 5 minutes later. This was the time when I was truly free, this was the time that I was truly able to kill a mother lovin’ dragon, but more importantly this was the time that I could catch a butterfly.

I roamed around Skyrim for a while, Skyrim is a huge world, and you can go pretty much anywhere including 90 degrees up a mountain. In 20 minutes I had been killed by a mammoth, killed by some dude with a hammer, and killed by a goat. I explored for a bit more and found my way into Whiterun, which is like the center city where all the starting stuff happens.

After doing a couple missions for all the nice denizens I was confronted with the Jarl, who kind of runs the place, he said that his soldiers had seen a dragon south of the city, I jumped on the opportunity to stab something larger than a small house in the face. I got over to the spot where the dragon was as fast as I could, then I killed it. The fight was epic, I jumped around and sprinted back and forth on top of a small tower while my new best friend shot warm heat circles at me over and over. I whipped out my bow and arrow and shot it at least once. After it nearly burned me alive to a state slighlty less, I ran down the stairs and whipped out my Greatsword. The dragon landed, conveniently. I proceeded to stab it in the face and jump around it. Once it finally died I accidentally absorbed its soul, whoops. The soldiers I was fighting with said I was some kind of mystical Demi-God or something, which really didn`t help my ego at that point. I took the dragons bones and skin and some such and started to walk back to Whiterun. On my way back I heard a booming noise which made me pee my pants and my brothers pants a little bit too. The noise turned out to be something important.

Skyrim is really big and filled with a bunch of stuff to do. You wouldn`t believe the time I`ve wasted trying to catch butterflies and salmon. The other stuff I did was pretty cool too, I mean sure fighting a dragon is fun but it`s stale in comparison to chasing after a deer and killing it with one swing of your sword the size of a child. Also werewolves, and not those sissy Twilight werewolves, I`m talking about freaking tear your face off, eat your children, blurry photo type werewolf. But that`s not what makes them cool, what makes them cool is that you can play as one. Yup, a werewolf fighting a dragon. If a game can succeed in making that a possibility, well you have a gold mine of entertainment.

If we would have a rating system on a scale of Kinectimals to Batman punching a shark, this would be at least at a walrus with three tusks killing an ice demon. If you don`t have it already, you should. Enough said.

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