[Ph!GR] Red Dead Redemption

Red Dead Redemption


Y’all remember the early 1900’s? I remember the early 1900’s. Them’s good times. You know what else’s good times? Them Red Dead Redemptions. Well, I mean, it’s like a good game.

You know about Rockstar? Of course you do, everybody know about Rockstar. Not the energy drink, the game company. They made such great titles as Grand Theft Auto and…


You play as John Marston, a hard-boiled ex-criminal sent by The Man to track down the members of his old criminal gang, who betrayed him or something… I don’t even know.  Anyways, he gets all up in the jammy of Bill Williamson who proceeds to shoot him in the stomach. Shucks. I guess we don’t stick around with Mr. Marston anymore. Oh. He gets rescued by the owner of a ranch and her daughter? The doctor bill cost them $15? Tsk tsk. So much money wasted. I guess you play as John Marston throughout the whole game. And you keep your objective pretty much the entire 15 to 20 hours that you’ll spend playing Red Dead Redemption. Seriously, this game is long as a mofo. There’s a crap ton of content.

This game is probably the most immersive game of all time, everything comes together to really make you feel like a cowboy, the people that inhabit the world vary from rough and tough to completely bat crap crazy. Side quests, called “Stanger missions” flesh out the world by having miscellaneous people giving you an odd job to complete whenever you want and nine times out of ten there’s no resolution which is an interesting way to do things but I enjoy it nonetheless. You can also partake in duels with random citizens. You can choose to lay into your opponent or simply shoot them in the hand to disarm them. I usually just light them up, I’m a desperado. Also, the gunfights are awesome. You can really only take five or six bullets to the wherever before you die and that adds a lot of tension. There is nothing cooler than walking through a ghost town with a double barrel shotgun and just killing anybody who gets in the way, mmm. Best freaking thing ever. Seriously, try it sometime. And the music. MMM! The music, it’s always amazing and it’s even better when you’re riding through Mexico, with the Mexican trumpets mixed in with the standard music, it’s just great.

You know what’s not so great about this game? I don’t really like how Rockstar games use the Euphoria engine, which basically makes characters move and ragdoll around “Realistically” But it really just makes turning around stiffer and more awkward. It also affects how the horse moves. And I also don’t like herding the cows. Aside from that, this game is pretty much the best thing ever and easily makes my top 5 favorite games of all time.

It also has the greatest DLC of all time. Undead Nightmare. Which basically turns the entire game into a completely awesome zombie game. And it’s probably in my top 5 favorite zombie games and in my top 5 favorite DLCs. Also, the DLC turns the standard western music into bizarre surf rock. Which totally freaking works.

So rating scale?


On a scale from being kicked by an elephant to being eaten alive. (oh no, neither of those are positive) Red Dead Redemption gets a Super Awesome Mega Hyper Over Drive Force.

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