Phantastic Award Things

I guess to be like everybody else I should just make an award list. And I’m only like three days late.

So here it is.

Phantastic! Award Things.

That’ll catch on. What do they look like? Umm… They look like what Oscars would look like if Oscars were lumberjacks. Ax and everything.

So without further adieu, let’s get this party started.

Best Shoot at guys game

Nominees. (That’s what they do right? List the nominees?(Candidates?))

-Halo 4

Halo 4 is on this list because I’m still playing it. That’s a good sign.

-Call Of Duty: Black Ops 2

The only real reason this game is on this list is contracts and the sort… I haven’t played it. Zombies looks pretty cool though…

-Far Cry 3

Far Cry 3 was not a game that I cared for until I watched Nerd3’s review video and thought “Hey, I’mma buy that.” And I was not disappoint. Your standard shootsy elements were there. But something about the way the game was set up just made it feel so slick. Plus you can do a slide and that reminds me of the Black Ops’ Dolphin Dive which makes me all giggly.

Borderlands 2

Unlike FC3, I was anticipating Borderlands 2 with bated breath.  And I’m glad I did because dis game be cray-cray… Srry, got a little… Stupid there. Borderlands 2 had everything you wanted in a shooter. Plus a gazillion guns and four player co-op, which we can all agree makes every game ever more fun.

Winner: Far Cry 3

Far Cry 3

Why Far Cry? I dunno… I feel like it. No but seriously, it’s an awesome game, especially because it still introduces new game mechanics after half-way done the main story line… Did I mention there’s a mission where you burn down a marijuana plantation while listening to dubstep? HOW COME YOU AREN’T SPENDING ALL YOUR MONEY ON THIS GAME!?

Runner-Up: Halo 4 And Borderlands 2 (I’m indecisive.)

Halo 4

Borderlands 2

Halo 4 could have been the winner on its multiplayer alone but it lost the honor only because Far Cry 3 has far more variety and plays quicker.  Borderlands 2 because it’s just so great. Or grate. One of those two. But in all honesty Borderlands 2 is definitely a friendship game. If you can’t play the game with some friends then you’re just wasting your time and money… But it’s like a 20 hour game so your friends are gonna have to be pretty devout.

Best Free-roam game

                Assassin’s Creed 3

AC3 is awesome. And you should play it. The world is expansive and there’s plenty to do. But aside from being expansive the game also has a great story and awesome game feels, which makes it a must for anybody who’s cool. Plus it’s set in America.


[PROTOTYPE2] (And I will not be spelling it like that ever again.) had the entirety of New York city for you to play with (AC3 did too but that was during the American Revolution… so this New York is a little better.) Prototype 2 also featured fun combat, an okay story, and um… that’s honestly about it.

-Sleeping Dogs

While I didn’t see any dogs, awake or asleep, in Sleeping Dogs I still found it really entertaining. Wei Shen is a cool character, if not a little bit too angry. The gameplay was fun but later missions boil down to driving and shooting. Which can get a little repetitive. But the shooting’s pretty cool.

-Far Cry 3

Fart Cry 3 had a whole island for you to play around on, with plenty of crap to do. But it takes a lot of elements from Assassin’s Creed. So I guess it’ up to you to decide which is better. Cause I’m indecisive.

                Winner: Assassin’s Creed 3

Assassin's Creed 3

Assassin’s Creed 3 won because it’s honestly one of my most favoritest games of the year. I started playing it and beat it within a week. And that’s no easy feat. Since it has such a large world and there’s so much to do, I’m surprised I beat it at all.

                Runner-Up: Sleeping Dogs

Sleeping Dogs acualy iz dolan

I got Sleepy Puppies for my birthday. (Thanks for the cards by the way) and I was really impressed. Turns out Hong Kong is a really large city and since there are a lot of Asians there, I feel no remorse for driving over them. (WOAH! EDGY!) No but really. It’s a fun game and worth one of them look sees… Sorry about my driving over Hong Kong’s fine citizens, if you’re Asian, I apologize. And if you’re a hot Asian, I’ll gladly give you my number.

Best Stealth game


You remember how in my review I said it was a good game? Well… it’s as good as a lemon. So, do what you will with that information. The stealth is solid, and the story is surprisingly good, the art style is also super cray-cray… (I think I need a cray-cray counter. 2)

                -Mark of the Ninja

I remember Mark McNinja. Good kid. Bit drastic. Marky Mark is on this list because Mark of the Ninja is extremely stealth based. You might say it’s a stealth game. This is the same reason that Dishonored is on this list. But you know. Contracts and the sort.

                -Far Cry 3

(I never said I couldn’t use a game title more than once.) While Far Cry 3 is a shooter, it has an optional stealth mechanic that’s well-implemented into the game. It’s contradictory to the standard shooter model so COD fanboys will probably hate it.

                -Hitman Absolution

From what I’ve seen of Hitman Absolution is that the stealth works pretty good. There are plenty notifications to help you along in your journey for the best murder. So I guess it earns its place.

                Winner: Mark of the Ninja

Mark of the Ninja

Mark McNinja wins because the stealth is unsurpassed… that’s a pretty good reason. I like to think that stealth games are all about trying something new after dying, or perfecting your technique. The reason Mark of the Ninja wins is because the load times were less than 2 seconds so you could screw the pooch and then keep on ticking without skipping a beat.

                Runner-Up: Dishonored


Load times is ultimately what caused Dishonored to lose. The stealth was great, you felt like killing everything with a heartbeat wasn’t always the best choice and Corvo’s powers were pretty grandiose. But, like I said, since the load times almost made dying something to be avoided like the plague, (Get it? There’s a plague? Ah screw you. That’s funny.) the game never reached its full potential. And don’t talk to me about how much time it takes to render those fancy graphics, I know about that. I’m just talking about game flow.

Best Handheld game

                -Paper Mario: Sticker Star

PM:SS is great.

                -Mario Tennis Open

MTO is great.

                -New Super Mario Bros. 2

NSMB2 is great.

                Winner: Paper Mario: Sticker Star

Paper Mario Sticker Star

Sticker Star won because it`s great… I guess this award just came down to which Mario game that came out this year was the best. And while Mario Tennis Open is great, it just didn`t hold my attention like Sticker Star did. I`d jump into a game of Mario Tennis and just kind of play it until I beat a cup, then get bored. With Sticker Star I would become invested and want to play it for as long as I could. I guess for a handheld game, that`s not a necessarily good quality. Most people want to play handheld games on the crapper or in a sweaty minivan for as long as it takes to reach the Grand Canyon. You ever been?

                Runner-Up: New Super Mario Bros. 2

New Super Mario Bros 2

Another game that holds my attention better than Mario Tennis, but because of its nature, this game is easy to pick up and play then put down. But Nintendo is beating the proverbial dead horse that is Mario, the games are still good. But they lack originality, something Sticker Star has a metric butt-ton of.

Best Action Adventure game

                -Darksiders 2

Darksiders 2 is basically like a Legend of Zelda game. I’m pretty sure that Legend of Zelda fits into the genre so Darksiders 2.

                -Assassin’s Creed 3

Assassin’s Creed 3 has some action-adventure elements. You go into mini dungeons and stuff.

                -Diablo 3 (I guess…?)

Never played it. I suppose it fits my requirements.

                -Going Outside

If you got an imagination then you could probably make your own adventure. It won’t be half as traumatic as those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books, but it could be close.

                Winner: Darksiders 2


I’m gonna say this right here right now… I like Darksiders 2 more than Skyward Sword. Maybe that’s just because using motion controls is not as great as Nintendo desperately wants us to believe.

                Runner-Up: Going Outside


Hey, it’s your life. I’ll let you ruin it. Seriously. Just go outside right now. I don’t care if it’s the middle of the winter. You need your exercise.

Best looking game


Dishonored’s art-style gives it some sort of moving painting aesthetic which looks really good… I guess that’s all there is to say about it.

                -Darksiders 2

Darksiders 2 kind of looks like a 3D graphic novel, if I had to be specific. I suppose it kind of looks like a 3D rendered version of what all concept art looks like. And that’s cool.

                -Far Cry 3

Far Cry 3 is beautiful, the lighting effects are superb and other visual effects just blend together to make magic happen.

                -Halo 4

Hey man, this game has full 3D sky-boxes.

That’s impressive, you dumb.

                -COD BLOPS 2

I guess this game is pretty if you like same-y brown places.

                -Mass Effect 3


But aside from that, ME3 looks pretty good.

                -Borderlands 2

Borderlands 2 is cell-shaded. That instantly makes it 20% cooler.

               Winner: Dishonored


I forgot to justify my reasoning for this part. Just watch some videos on YouTube. I like to think it looks good.

                Runner-Up: Darksiders 2


Yeah, same story.

Best Call of Duty game

                -COD BLOPS 2

Bro! Do you even lift? That’s something that COD fanboys say, right? Well, I guess most of them are 12… That’s awkward.

                Winner: A woman.


I don’t know what kind of person you are, but if you’ve ever declined being with a beautiful woman because you’re about to get a MOAB and prestige for the eleventeenth time within the past three minutes then maybe you should re-evaluate your life

                Runner-Up: Getting stabbed with a pencil… Ok, Call of Duty Black Ops 2.


Only for Zombies though… Maybe the story is cool too. I wouldn’t know.

Best Xbox Arcade game


I think I’ve spent most of my waking hours of this year playing Minecraft. That’s good reasons, yes?

                -The Walking Dead

The Walking Dead game is close to one of the greatest story driven games. Don’t like story? I don’t like you. Don’t like Clementine? Then you are an evil human being.

                -Rock Band Blitz

I’ve already mentioned in my review of Rock Band Blitz that I was not really anticipating Rock Band Blitz, but when Rock Band Blitz came out the third episode of the Walking Dead also came out so I bought Rock Band Blitz and then I played Rock Band Blitz which is basically a really addictive, frantic, single player, arcade version of Rock Band.

                -Trials Evolution

Have I even played Trials Evolution? Yeah, Did I buy it? No. Wasn’t really one of my priorities. But I assume that if I was into physique based motorcycle games then I probably would have bought this game. But since I have no interest in the laws of physics (or physiques) and a very limited interest in the laws of motorcycles I never wound up buying it. But I think it’s worth a look.

                Winner: The Walking Dead

Walking Dead

Come on. It’s the Walking Dead. In my opinion this game is the pinnacle of storytelling, and forging your own story. Until they can develop a game where your choices dramatically alter the way the game is portrayed, with completely different story lines that branch off from one choice you make, this game won’t be surpassed.

                Runner-Up: Minecraft


Minecraft has collected more playtime from me than all of my files in Oblivion, Fallout 3 and New Vegas, and Skyrim combined in less than 6 months. Do you think that I’m addicted? I don’t know. YES!

Best Multiplayer game

                -Halo 4

Halo 4 has some really solid multiplayer. It’s easy to get into and you won’t feel like an idiot, much like I do when I play Call of Duty.


I play Minecraft a lot. Maybe a bit too much, but I also play it too much with friends. Friends who are willing to help me create an awesome world rather than trying to burn my house down or take all my diamonds. However, Minecraft has no LAN ability so playing on more than one Xbox has to be done over Xbox Live. Which causes lag. Which is not good when you’re playing Minecraft. I guess it’s never good.

                -COD BLOPS 2

Bro! COD BLOPS 2! Have you ever been at this really awesome kegger and some guy mentions Halo? No that never happens, Bro. Have you ever been making out with this total hot one and she mentions Borderlands? No, that’s not real, Bro. They always mention Call of Duty, Bro.

And that’s why I wish the world had ended.

                -Assassin’s Creed 3

Ever played multiplayer that required skill? Bro. Call of Duty requires all the skill.

Nope. No. Nu-uh. You get the crap out.

Assassin’s Creed has had multiplayer since Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood and they’ve been improving it ever since. Multiplayer is actually implemented really well into the game and has a separate storyline and a separate feel, but doesn’t feel too dissimilar from the single player. Plus it requires skill. Something I think people in the modern gaming era have abandoned worse than that one really ugly hunchback that lived in France in that one movie.

                -Far Cry 3

Far Cry 3’s multiplayer is a little bit… umm… Chaotic would be the best word. I haven’t played it enough to actually form opinions. So I’m just kind of shoveling the crap here. There’s a co-op mode that I really like. You can play as four different characters, and Irish guy, a Russian guy, an American guy, and this really annoying lady that I hate. The only downside is that I can’t decide if I want to play as the Irish guy or the Russian… the other only downside is that the lady makes me want to tear my eyeballs out and bludgeon myself to death with them… MY HATRED RUNS DEEP!

                -Borderlands 2

Ever had fun? Yeah? Was it playing Call of Duty? Yeah? GET OUT!

Ever had fun? Yeah? Was it playing Borderlands 2? Yeah? Awesome.

                -PlanetSide 2

PlanetSide 2 just kind of came out on Steam. There was no big deal about it. I just opened up Steam one day and saw PS2 sitting there all Free-to-Play and crap. PlanetSide 2 has a lot of really good features that require you to work as a team. And because of how large the maps are and how many players can be playing in one game, you really feel like you’re part of this huge war.

                Winner: Borderlands 2

Borderlands 2

Borderlands 2 wins solely because it has amazing Co-op and is kind of not so good without it. But don’t play it with strangers. Don’t play any co-op with strangers. That’s just stupid. The game is basically tailored for Co-op.

                Runner-Up: Minecraft


PlanetSide 2 was definitely a strong contender, it probably placed third but MineCraft is just awesome. You can’t beat MineCraft unless you’re Borderlands 2… I’m really bad at this.

Best game I mentioned that I haven’t played

                -Diablo 3

… Yeah, ok. It’s a game where you get the loots. I’ve heard mixed reviews about this one.

                -COD BLOPS 2

Yeah, ok. It’s a game where you shoot the noobs. I’ve heard mixed reviews about this one.

                -Hitman Absolution

Yeah, ok. It’s a game where you assassinate the bad guys(?) I’ve heard mixed reviews about this one.

                Winner: I don’t know. I haven’t played them


… Seriously…

                Runner-Up: Something for the Wii U.


I haven’t mentioned the Wii U yet. But hey, I wasted some of my time writing this portion. Go have fun.

Best game… of the year, at least

                -Halo 4

Halo 4. I had fun. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?

                -Borderlands 2

Borderlands 2 is a seriously fun game, and I think I forgot to mention that it has one of the greatest villains in video game history.

                -Far Cry 3

I beat Far Cry 3 the other day. I thought I got the good ending. So I went online and watched the other possible ending. I got the good ending. I didn’t get the sexy ending but I got the good ending.

                -The Walking Dead

I’ve been a fan of the Walking Dead since my brother picked up the first season on the DVDs and I knew that after seeing what kind of disgusting crap someone has to do to survive a zombie apocalypse that I would enjoy the entirety of the Walking Dead. Eventually I bought a fricking huge Walking Dead book that encompasses every comic from the beginning to when they find the prison. That’s a long time, okay. Then they announced the Walking Dead game. And I knew I wanted it. So I bought it, and I loved it. That’s why it’s on this list.

                -Assassin’s Creed 3

Ubisoft did good this year. Two GOTY candidates. Assassin’s Creed 3 is a great game and definitely worth looking at. Why? BECAUSE AMERICA!

                -Call Of Duty: Black Ops 2

This is just here because, as an internet game reviewer, I am legally required to praise the latest Call of Duty game at any given moment. And you know, if a game would win this award solely on an optional game mode that has been getting way more attention than it deserves then COD BLOPS 2’s Zombies mode would take every available cake.

Winner: The Walking Dead

Walking Dead

How could I not? Seriously. I ask of you, how could this game be less than the best game released this year? Well, preferences are a thing. Why is The Walking Dead my favorite game of the year? I don’t know, the universe is well thought out and intriguing. Plus The Walking Dead is what made me not want a zombie apocalypse to happen ever. And also, this game wins because the ending affected me to my very core. If you didn’t get a little teary eyed at the end of the game then I got something to tell you… You might be an emotionless psychopath…Might be.

                Runner-Up: Far Cry 3

Far Cry 3

As much as it pains me to say, Far Cry 3 is not the best game of the year. The Walking Dead was too good to pass up. But Far Cry 3 was crazy fun and had some awesome missions and, while the story was slightly goofy it was a good story. Every character seems crazier than the last, one of the characters tries to be your friend despite the fact that he’s holding one of your actual friends hostage. So, yeah, it’s pretty cray-cray.

Also, you burn down a Marijuana plantation with a flamethrower while listening to dubstep. I HAD TO MENTION IT TWICE!

Best Optional Game Mode That Has Been Getting Way More Attention Than It Deserves.

                -COD BLOPS 2 Zombies

Maybe COD will finally win something. Guess it can’t lose.

Winner: COD BLOPS 2 Zombies


Ok, I guess that I actually enjoy Zombies. It’s actually pretty good and nicely over the top (which is something that I like(I’m being serious. I invented a super hero in my brain for the sole purpose of being so over the top he kills dragons by upper cutting them into space and then throwing them into the sun.(Dear Comic Books, I have created a super hero that uppercuts dragons into space and then throws them into the sun… Where’s all my money?))) Call Of Duty? Nah, screw that noise.

2 responses on “Phantastic Award Things

  1. Xenrin

    Wow, I never thought CoD could get blasted so often on one page of the internet, but that might just be because I don’t usually go to web pages that mention CoD.

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