[Ph!GR] Borderlands 2 (and Borderlands 1)

“You just activated my trap card.” (X Infinity) – Zero

So, apparently after my brief hiatus during the month of August, I’m back into the swing of things. Probably because it’s late October now and when I should be doing school work I write about the video games I’ve been playing recently. And once the school system decides to make video games a curriculum, I’m not gonna do my homework. So, what big name title came out last month? I dunno… You probably know already, cause I made up the whole title thing and I put a picture up, so unless you’re one of those people who don’t read titles to avoid spoilers, IT’S FRICKING BORDERLANDS 2! YEAH! No seriously, you should be excited; this game is fricking awesome.


From what anybody with two brain cells to scrape together can guess, Borderlands 2 is the sequel to Borderlands 1. That’s kind of obvious, I can’t think of anything with the suffix “2” that’s the first of its kind. Any-freaking-ways, Borderlands 1 was a heap of fun with heaps to do… ok heaps of things to shoot, but it was awesome.

The game wasn’t just a jumbled mess of brown, while it did take place on the desert (not cake) planet Pandora, but what doesn’t take place on a planet called Pandora? There were plenty of interesting and varied enemies, from Midgets to 30 foot tall maniacs that throw oil tankers or something as grenades, WHICH IS AWESOME! And the NPCs were all interesting and had funny lines that made them slightly more endearing. Unfortunately the player characters had nothing going for them, they were next to completely silent and when they did talk it was to spout off stupid one-liners over and over and over and over and o- you get the idea.

And on top of every amazing thing there was an astounding amount of guns. Something like “87 gazillion” that’s a direct quote from the back of the box. And that’s slightly true, basically this game has some kind of weapon randomizer that takes basic “bits and bobbles” (JASPER! http://baconstripempire.wordpress.com/2012/04/28/phantastic-game-reviews-fable-iii/#more-544) and slaps them onto the types of guns. So, for example, I had done a complete play-through with my older broseph and he had picked up this really awesome revolver which he kept on rubbing in my face, because I had picked the revolver/sniper specialist (WHO WAS AWESOME) and he wouldn’t let me have it. After about an hour of emotional attacks I had found a pistol with the exact same stats only it had a larger clip and a scope. So, that’s the kind of things this engine does.

Borderlands 2 basically takes every idea that was awesome and says “hey, you know that was pretty cool.” AND THEN MAKES THEM BETTER! It’s obvious that I have heaps of love for the Borderlands games, and it’s well placed love. If you haven’t bought Borderlands 1, go do that, you probably won’t find a copy of the second one.

THE THING THAT MAKES A GAME PROGRESS… what’s it called? Story? Yeah that.

The original Borderlands centred around 4 Vault Hunters. The four were…

Roland, the Soldier, who basically specialized in using assault rifles and could heal his team mates by shooting them, so he acted more as the support/medic character. Plus his special ability is throwing down a turret that has a shield and a healing aura, so he’s handy to have around.

Lilith, the Siren, she was good with elemental weapons and she could turn invisible to sneak around the battlefield and emerge with a big ol’ explosion.

Mordecai, the Hunter (Which is a little redundant, but look who’s talking… it’s me, I’m the one talking, because I can talk, so I’m talking right now, did I mention I’m talking?) Mordecai used Sniper rifles and Revolvers to shoot at people from further away than they can shoot. And his special ability was throwing around a bird named “Bloodwing” which flew around and you could upgrade it to hit like seven different guys and pick up all the money on the field so it was pretty useful.

Brick, the Berserker, Brick used Shotguns and Rocket Launchers. His ability was called Berserk (they’re really creative with the names) and basically what that did was he put his gun away, gained invincibility and started punching people so hard they died.

Borderlands 2 stars four new Vault Hunters who are kind of the same-ish.

Axton, The Commando, who specializes in Assault rifles and can throw turrets down. But the turrets can be upgraded beyond helping your teammates and shooting bad guys, you can detonate them, causing a big ol’ ‘splosion.

Maya, The Siren… geez. Maya uses elemental weapons and instead of using Lilith’s “Phasewalk” ability she uses the “Phaselock” which freezes an enemy in place so you can worry about others or you can light him up.

Zero, the assassin, Zero uses Snipers and Revolvers and never shuts up. You figure for a guy named “Zero” he would have nothing to say but… freaking, I don’t know. His ability is to create a holograph *cough* hologram and turn invisible for a short period of time or until he attacks.

Salvador, the Gunzerker, Salvador uses… can you guess what Salvador uses? Well he actually uses machine guns for the most part. Salvador’s ability is the Gunzerk where he pulls out another gun and starts shooting two guns at once. You can, apparently, upgrade this ability so he shoots every bullet in all of his guns at once which is some crazy overkill.

So anyways, the characters in this game are kind of just better versions of the previous characters. But, that’s whatever, just like my grammar. My grammar is whatever. You probably read this long assuming that I would tell you the story, so whatever.

The story opens up with a little video of the four vault hunters being awesome just like in the first one, but it features a cooler song and it’s all around just better. Basically they’re on a train and Handsome Jack (the bad guy) blows it up, they live and meet Clap-Trap, who everybody loves, or hates, those are two very similar emotions. Then the vault hunters go after Jack, and that’s the story. There’s a bunch of other background stuff that’s really cool and you should look it up but I ain’t talkin’ ‘bout ‘hat.

The gameplay is pretty standard and slightly reminiscent of Call Of Duty, but it’s more… oh, I don’t know… FUN! Maybe? I shouldn’t say that the gameplay is standard because it’s not, there’s a lot of things that the game does well, like numbers flying up off everything that you shoot and the word “Critical” showing up every time you attack something’s head. Plus four-player co-op, with every character being unique and fun to play, really adds a layer of depth and “tightness” as it were. I don’t know what “tightness” means but I assume that it’s the same as “friggin’ dope” which I am very familiar with.

Just… I don’t know, I’m getting tired, it’s late and my brain is being a butt. Play this game. It’s good it’s a good game and you should play it and whatever I gootan aget sokme smleeop

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