[Ph!GR] Super Mario Galaxy

Ok, seeing as how I’ve been nominated for 20 academy trophies I figure I’ll make a new review every Saturday, when I have enough time to kill. So this week, I’ll do something, something awesome and remotely interesting. I’m going to tell you about Super Mario Galaxy. Do you ever wonder when I’m going to review a game that’s new? Me too. So let’s begin shall we?

Super Mario Galaxy lives up to its name, all the things mentioned are involved. I remember when I got my Wii last Christmas; this game was also sitting in that pre-used box of goodies… Or pre-used box of mostly mediocre Wii games, some of which I haven’t touched yet. I remember how excited I was to start waving my hands around like I just didn’t care, but all that excitement subsided when I realized lying on my couch and flicking my wrist worked just as good. I’ve talked about too much stuff that I shouldn’t have been talking about. Mario, let’s see.

In the beginning of SMG, some toads start running around picking up star bits, which are like some sort of space currency/delicacy/mystical power/junk/shiny things.  Mario joins in the festivities; you can even use the terrible co-op option to force a friend to watch you play this game while he or she points at the screen to help you collect the star bits. Keep in mind, this game is made for one player to enjoy, and adding two players was some kind of knee-jerk reaction Nintendo had to the very similar and competing title “Halo 3” which featured multi-player co-operation play. So anyways, Mario makes his way to Princess Peach’s castle, (don’t ask me why there isn’t a king or queen, I’ve been wondering that for years,) because some kind of holiday was made up for the raining of star bits on the mushroom kingdom. So once Mario gets to the castle, Bowser shows up out of nowhere and kidnaps Peach. (Honestly, I could have never seen that coming, they really threw me off my moped.) Mario leaps into action, and dies in space. The end. Or some other things that would have really happened in a Mario game, I could really tell you how it ends, it’s a Mario game. They’re always the same thing. Mario gets Peach back, there.

SMG was a good ride, and is totally worth playing through multiple times, not only does it feature some of the best replay ability value, but it also features Luigi, which is every body’s favorite tall, skinny Italian plumber. I would suggest getting the second game over this if you already don’t own this game; you won’t really be missing out on any signature Mario action if you skip this one. One key part of this game, are the aneurism levels, these are the kinds of levels filled with all the close calls that any rational human being would say “Screw it, that chick is not worth all the hassle. She wants some brave guy to come over and save her from Bowser, she’s gonna have to get another guy.” And then go home and eat some Cheetos. Mario just says “Oh yeah.” And he keeps on going. There are so many of these levels that I developed a sixth sense that allows me to tell ahead of time whether or not someone is going to die from some kind of freak incident. I remember doing that thing where you would switch off after completing another level with Calen, and after getting the Wii-mote we would have to pry it out of the hands of the other. It was scary.

If you enjoy pooping your pants and mustaches, this is the game for you. If you enjoy becoming one of the many brain dead zombies playing Call of Battle 8: Modern Warfield 5, then don’t pick this up. On a scale from shooting 12 year olds who sleep with your mother to heart attacks, SMG gets a really desperate plumber.

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