[Ph!GR] Quest For Triumph: Interactive Edition

Well, howdy doody there children of the corn… I mean your parents. I have some important newsologies I need to retaliate to the unsophisticated chaff of this millennia’s society. Did you understand any words I just said? Neither did I.

Alright, so, Quest for Triumph. It’s been around since last summer and was filled with excitement, drama, and romance. Well, not really romance, no one fell in love or had kids or anything. This award winning short produced by yours truly, and starred yours truly, was so popular EA decided they wanted to make an award winning RPG spin-off, we kindly refused the offer and had Calen, our very own Old Man Gryph, create an RPG. Surely he could not have done this alone, so Allison (Or Allsion, as she’s commonly referred as,) and this guy with the fingers attacking his keyboard helped out with some minor details.

“But why am I telling you this?” You may ponder. Well I’ll tell you why, I get paid for putting words on a paper and then putting the paper through months of hard labour and training to get it ready to win the Ultimate Low Time Ultra No-name Guys Who No One Has Ever Heard of Boxing League! Or the “ULTUNGWNOHEHBL” which is far easier for our tween demographic to pronounce. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, I was born in a small neighborhood in the Bronx. Wait, no, not that, that’s some other guy. Oh, right. I have decided to pounce upon another chance to write another review about the two things I love most, video games and cheese… and bacon. Luckily, Quest for Triumph: Interactive Edition features all those things, in excess.

The game starts the character off as Prince Patrick, the noble, brave, valiant, all-around good guy. He’s a lot like Mario but with a thicker imaginary mustache. So Patrick tells his father that Princess Allsion has taken her dog in for a rabies shot. The king grants Patrick permission to leave and Patrick sets off on the adventure of a life time. Once he’s at the veterinarians office, Patrick is assaulted by his own canine companion, so Patrick does the one thing any self-respecting American does, he kicks it’s heinie. After that fiasco, Patrick ventures forth to a meadow (This sound epic so far, or what?) Where Old Man Gryph has left a ransom note demanding 1 million Doritos before his naptime, or whatever. Patrick  can’t let that fly, so he requests assistance from his dad to take out this old fool. Ol’ King Tortullius sends Seafore and Willis, two gun toting friends of ultimate good. So after exploring Tortville the trio find First Mate Johnson, a pirate struggling to find his place in this dreary world. Johnson claims he can assist them in finding where Old Man Gryph has been. The four good doers head to the island of Orcoria in search of the Princess and the happiness of the King.

Q4T is a fairly short game averaging between 2-3 hours, it’s no Final Fantasy, but what you get for your money is a pretty done-deal. The game features the vocal talents of word boxes and the musical styling’s of music. Despite the short production time span, Calen made a pretty expansive game, going into towns and talking to everybody is really worth your time, as most of the words are hilarious. Another thing that makes this game worth your evening is all the little secrets crammed in, from skeleton children to talking butterflies to just about anything else, not to mention the secret scent of sweet bacon.

Quest for Triumph has already taken a hold in the hearts, bowels and spleens of millions of imaginary Americans, so you too, should feel the warmth of its companionship. The only thing that makes Bacon Strip Empire better is the ability to interact with your favorite characters and get more information about their life. On a scale from any show on TLC to steak, Quest for Triumph: Interactive Edition gets a very strong clown race.

And as the first post of 2012, I hope your year will be calorie filled and delicious

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