… I could be playing Fire Emblem Awakening right now.
So. How’s everybody doing?
I don’t care. On to business.
Fire Emblem Awakening is a game that’s really fun and you should play it.
In fact. I’m going to play it right now. Bye bye.
Have you ever heard of Fire Emblem? If not, you’re sad and I have no desire to speak with you further. If you have heard of Fire Emblem then you know what it is and I don’t need to set the stage, but for the lackluster humans who have never heard of Fire Emblem, I will set the table.
Fire Emblem is a role-playing strategy game. That’s essentially it. You control a group of people and then you send them into fights to win. I good explain? I not good explain? Sad… well, that’s all you’re getting.
STORY TIME! (How many times have I used that now? Like ten? I want to say ten.)
The story takes place in *mumble mumble* which is currently facing diplomatic differences with a bordering country called *mumble mumble* because *mumble mumble* and that’s it. Ok, so the leader of your gang of misfits is a guy named Chrom. Chrom finds some guy who I got to make named Monroe (NO, YOUR NAME IS STUPID!) in the forest or something, Monroe has amnesia, but he remembers everything about himself pretty much instantly, like that his name is Monroe, and he’s really good at strateragizaming-ing. Chrom lets Monroe join his group of mercenaries called the” Shepherds” (Not at all like Commander Shepard.) The Shepherds kill people and get paid to do it, that’s essentially all you need to know. The Shepherds are also the unofficial hit men for the Empress, wait… Wuzzat? They aren’t her cronies? Wuzzat? Chrom’s her little brother? Wuzzat? I made Munroe woo his little sister? Wuzzat? This joke is outstaying its welcome? Ok, I’ll stop now.
Wuzzat? Me mentioning Monroe and Chrom’s sister is a clever tangent into my next paragraph? Well, here we go.
The biggest change in this game is partnerships. Partnerships happen when you have two people fighting close together frequently, as long as they’re compatible. The earliest example of the system is when two characters are introduced, one being a suave French man and a lesbian. French fries wants to get all up in dat lesbian pants (Crass? Yeah.) So, naturally I wanted to help him out. Luckily the game already introduced the fighting adjacently system so I always kept them together. Then they introduced this pairing system where you can smack two units together so they occupy the same space. Doing so gives them the ability for the background unit to provide the primary unit with buffs during combat consistently at the expense of having two separate movements. Obviously the more time two units spend working together the better they will work with that partner so you’ll want to keep partners close or keep them locked together for maximum potential. In previous Fire Emblems having units closer in battle just meant you could gain support conversations that allowed you to view the relationships between characters but in this game support conversations are an integral part of the game, pairing the opposite genders together will result in the best effects, because eventually the two will grow close and become married, and although I haven’t experienced this myself, I’ve heard they can have children that embody both of their strengths and abilities. *hits mic* is this thing on? THAT’S SOME COOL CRAP RIGHT THERE! Also, this game has fully animated cut scenes that look super good and nearly full voice acting. Think of it like in Zelda where characters make audible noises when their speech bubbles show up only in Awakening it happens more often and characters say words and sometimes full sentences. That’s pretty cool.
This is what isn’t cool. “This” being my only gripe with the game. Everypony has really small feet. Like, little stubs at the ends of their legs. Yeah, that’s my only problem with the game.
I guess I should talk about the gameplay somewhere but I’m not gonna because if you’ve played Fire Emblem you know how Fire Emblem plays if you haven’t played Fire Emblem then you’re just wasting your time here. Although this is a good game to get into the series with because it’s pretty lenient, you can turn off permanent death, which is a staple of Fire Emblem. So, I guess fanboys probably said it was too easy, but I need it. I really suck at keeping people alive in this one. Which is weird because I’ve beaten three other games without losing a single person.
So, if you have a 3DS then you should buy this game. You probably won’t find it in stores very easily because Nintendo is the stupid and only ships a single copy to every store whenever they win the Hunger Games. If you don’t have a 3DS then buy one and this game. Better yet, buy the one that comes with the game. Because those ones look super boss.
On a scale from French guys to lesbians, Fire Emblem Awakening gets a “I’m not even going to rate it because I’m too busy playing it.”